Marcus, Andy and Pete are here to help smuggle Eden Hazard out of Stamford Bridge under a big jacket, such is the furore that awaits him back in Madrid after Chelsea swept aside a threadbare Real Madrid. They’re coming for you, Eden.
Elsewhere, we revel in the glorious rumours linking famed basket case Gennaro Gattuso to famed basket case Newcastle United, get a Mario Balotelli update and wonder whether the Premier League can secure a European finals full house.
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